Salad Rage!

So, nothing says Halloween more than take-out food from a local bistro, right?

I placed my order and jumped into my car to pick up the hearty eats. Since this was a late afternoon craving, the semi-fine dining establishment was empty. I breezed right up to the counter. My order wasn't quite ready, so I kind of looked around with my hands in my pockets as I waited. A whirling dervish of a woman was at the adjacent bar texting up a storm and taking telephone calls in between. I was most impressed how well her iPhone handled her multiple calls in the midst of her simultaneous rapid texting.

The waiter tried several times to get her attention, but to no avail. She finally gravitated over and dug into her bag. In one swift motion, she removed her salad from the bag, popped the plastic container open and was sampling the salad dressing. As the salad dressing dripped down her chin, into her ample cleavage, she asked the waiter what kind of salad dressing had he included? He told her it was their house dressing. She sloppily licked more dressing from her fingers and informed him that she wanted the house dressing. He politely told her it was the house dressing. Her phone buzzed bringing their conversation to a close.

My order was finally ready. As they were packing it up, bits of salad began to whip across the take-out counter. Salad Lady was mixing the dressing into her salad, while taking huge bites. I have never seen someone mix dressing into a salad as if they were scrambling eggs. The whole scrambling and eating was mighty gross. Salad dressing was still dripping from her chin. The restaurant manager came over and instructed her that she couldn't dine at the take-out counter. She rudely informed him that she was prepping her salad as she had to eat it while she drove. Umm, yikes.

I paid for my order and got the heck out of there. I'd had enough of Salad Lady. I fastened my seat belt and exited my parking space. There were several cars ahead of me, so I waited. I looked to my right and Salad Lady was in her car, holding her steering wheel and iPhone with her left hand and a plastic fork and the steering wheel in her right hand. She threw her car in reverse and barreled out of her parking space towards my car. I pounded my horn...hoping to get her attention in time! I saw bits of salad flying in the air as she slammed her breaks. I rolled my window down, and very kindly asked her to watch where she was going. She was in a hurry, she screeched, as she began to back out again. She nearly hit me again, as I hadn't moved up yet, and I blasted the horn! Profanities were yelled and a variety of hand-gestures were made. Traffic cleared and I zoomed away.

Thus concludes the story of my true encounter with a new and maddening Halloween creature. Salad Lady.

Scary...